I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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