i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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