y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
