Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
