no. you can't hotbox the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
