My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize