I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
