End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
