This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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