Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
