Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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