It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
