Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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