Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
