What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
