I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Green mimosas i think yes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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