you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
