so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
