Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
