It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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