The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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