I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
