so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
