First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
