I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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