Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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