Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
