That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
