Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
