Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
