Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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