sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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