He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
