Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
