Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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