I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
