nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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