This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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