Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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