he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
