...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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