Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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