Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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