The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
