I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
