i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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