she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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