My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
