I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wear drunk well.
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