So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
