You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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