Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So vagazzling was a success
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
