thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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