last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
