I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
