goodnight i made you a song goodbye
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
